I must be blinking too much

I got up early today, hit the gym, showered and was sitting my my table drinking a chocolate peanut butter protein shake reading the ensign when I flipped a page and it was filled with pictures. Not just any pictures, mom and sons. 18 year-old sons who were grinning from ear to ear due to the recent change in church policy that worthy young men may serve at 18 rather than wait until 19. It made me think of conference morning when my 10 1/2 year old son got a similar grin and turned to me, oblivious of my welling tears and said "MOM! I've only got 7 years to go until my papers go in!". Cue sobbing mom to enter stage left.

Maybe it's because I've been away from my blog for so long but last night as I was working on catching things up I watched the slide show at the bottom and listened to the playlist, although I was a little cranky that it was no longer imbedded and I had to go to a different site for it. Anywho, watching that playlist I realized that they have grown up drastically in the last two years. Suddenly I felt like all those "older moms" that tried to tell me it goes by so fast weren't fervent enough in helping me understand this. They said things like "it will go so fast" and "You'll blink and they will be grown up". I feel like what they should have said is something like this:

• Wake up every day and notice the little changes that happened over night. 
• Look into their eyes when they speak, every time. Even when you're busy.
• Hug them as often as they let you.
• Never be too busy to play legos and trucks.
• When they start having opinions about the world they live in, realize that they are not an extension of you, they are themselves, you are lucky if they want to share that with you.
• Someday they will come to you and tell you they know there isn't a Santa, you will cry more than they do because to you that discovery is a loss, to them it is a milestone that they are growing and living life in a way that is open to discovering new things. 
• Some mornings you will wake up and feel grumpy at everything they do, those moments pass and as they start dropping some of their most annoying habits you will miss the feel of a lego breaking skin on the bottom of your foot and the sound of someone jumping down the last 5 stairs on their way to breakfast just because they can.
• They will eventually leave you in a display of excitement and courage while you stand at the airport or the curbside feeling like your heart got ripped out of your chest wondering if you should call the cardiologist for a check up. 

I have yet to experience that last one, but the anticipation leaves me feeling like it's time to find a family cardiologist in preparation for that moment. 

No, today it's smaller things like kids who can make their own lunch and the fact that no one in my home believes in magic anymore. It's the thought that with 7 and 9 years to go, my sons are anticipating the day they will walk out my door and serve the Lord for 2 years of their lives. It's realizing that I have passed the halfway point of having children in my home and it's painful. 

So instead of spending the day wallowing in self pity that will leave me a little grumpy and weepy I will get it all out on the blog and then spend my day trying to just enjoy every minute of them.